THE PURPOSE OF PARENTHOOD

By James Wilson

            Famed pitcher and San Francisco Giants manager Roger Craig tells how his father did authentic parenting.  The dad left for work one summer’s day after instructing 12-year-old Roger to clean the garage before fishing or swimming.  Roger procrastinated until his father’s return was imminent, realized he had neither done his assigned task nor had any fun, and leapt to give that garage a lick and a promise before disaster struck.  He knew his dad always headed straight for the house on arrival, and he hoped for luck.  But Dad made straight for the garage, took a good look, and emerged into the driveway coatless and in the process of rolling up his sleeves.  He said, “Son, I am going to teach you how to clean a garage.”  Roger saw a trip to the woodshed in his immediate future.

            That’s not what happened.  Instead, the elder Craig spent two hours cleaning the garage while Roger watched.  As he headed for the house and a very late dinner he said, “Don’t ever betray my trust again.”  The son never did.

            Craig was perceptive enough to have seen the gift of leadership in his son and to mentor leadership by example.  But leadership’s other side is rebellion.  Dad was wise enough to understand that the best way – the Godly way – to discipline is by playing to our kids’ strengths instead of trying to break them of the dark side of those strengths.  I don’t say the rod has no place, but I do say discipline – as opposed to punishment – is a gift we can give our children.

            The Fifth Commandment – honoring fathers and mothers – is the first to include a promise – long life and prosperity.  (Some say the Third Commandment has a promise – the one about honoring Father God by not misusing His Name.)  But the fifth is about respecting the primary responsibility of parents to teach and impart relationship to God, including drawing forth the special gifting God places in each of His kids.  The injunction to respect parents is inseparable from the parents’ calling to teach and impart – it actually transcends obedience to the persons themselves when they fail or resist their role.  Our job is always to become the particular persons God created.  We are given parents to help us, but children are called to become people of God in spite of – even in opposition to –  their particular parents if that becomes necessary in order to walk with God.  In other words, the onus is on us more than on our children.

            God ends the Old Testament declaring He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the children’s hearts to the fathers.  Yet in Luke 1 He prophesies the coming Messianic age of deliverance and resurrection to full humanity in the midst of unprecedented signs and wonders. In that context He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children regardless of the response.  That is how seriously God takes parenting.

            So what is the purpose of authentic parenting?

            The ancient covenant accepted by Christian parents baptizing their children expects them to raise children so they strive for justice and peace, and serve all persons in a love that transcends love of self.  They commit to raising children who speak openly of the source of their humanity in God, who see their humanity as a work in progress requiring periodic re-focus – and occasional course corrections – toward God in Christ, and continual submission to God through His Holy Spirit in terms of what He has revealed through Word, Tradition, and Encounter.  They are expected to understand that keeping these commitments is their purpose as parents. 

            There is plenty of room for debate as to how best to implement these principles, and plenty of hot air expelled between the denominations on the subject.  There are those who object to naming God as essential to the process, and they too are entitled to their perspective.  (I would love to hear how it works out to divorce the Creator of humanity from the process of becoming human.)  Others would wonder how food, shelter, and a loving family in which to grow into their full and unique potential got left out – but these things are pre-supposed in the covenant unless anyone thinks children reach their full humanity without them.

            The bottom line is that we are called as parents to raise our children for their benefit, not ours, and that old covenant provides an awfully good blueprint.  It provides an amazingly good blueprint for us parents to live out our humanity into the bargain.

            Maybe Somebody planned it that way.